Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
