Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
