I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
