dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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