How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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