I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
