You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
