did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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