good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
