Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
