someone threw a dead crab at me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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