4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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