Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you never un-have a 4some
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
