I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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