I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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