he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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