dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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