we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
