God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
