we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
