Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
