I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
