Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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