I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
