you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
