Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
