dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
