this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
