He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
