Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
