he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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