i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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