i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
