is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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