and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
