we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
