You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
