I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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