Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Still dying that you shit outside
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
