so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
