Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
