my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
3 2 1 whiskey
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
