before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
