guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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