i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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