And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
