she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
