the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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