you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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