i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
