I just made out with a guy for $7.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
