Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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