I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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