bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
