I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im holly from the hills drunk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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