i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
