so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
