well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
