Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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