I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
