I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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