He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
