My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
