she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
