and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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