I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
