marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
