Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
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I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
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On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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