can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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