"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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