those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
