I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
