she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
