So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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