ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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