youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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