People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She bit a glass in half.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Of course I have a pirate flag
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
