I think I won the penis lottery.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
3pm strippers are depressing
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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