It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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