when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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